Can We Mold The Potter?

My hands are dirty from the clay

From molding

From shaping

Who I understood God to be

From the things I've seen

From the things I’ve read

I was molding my God

In a way I understood

I was comfortable with this clay

Because I understood this clay

But my mold that I created was destroyed today

The foundation of my understanding was ripped out from under me

The true God is not like what I created Him to be

What I understood Him to be

There isn’t enough clay

There isn't enough understanding

I look down at my hands again

Palms facing up

The intricate lines of my palm staring back at me

And I realize I was never meant to be the potter

I am not the artist

My clay could never hold

All of who God truly is

Would I want it to?

Would I want my God to be small enough for me to comprehend?

Small enough to mold in my hands?

So I surrender

And take on the identity of being the clay

This I have come to understand

That my God is big enough to mold me in his hands

And maybe I was never meant to know God by trying to shape Him

From my broken understanding

Maybe it was always meant to be in this way

That in the process of His hands pushing,

Shaping,

And evening out me

I will learn most about my Potter

I have always enjoyed questions. I love to ask people deep, intellectual questions. Listening to their answers helps me to know them better. I enjoy understanding how people think about things and why they do the things they do. This comes from a deep desire to understand people. Recently, I have realized the reason I like to do this is because it helps me trust this person. When I understand why they do the things they do, their thought process behind things, I can trust them because I can more easily predict what they are going to do. That is when the person feels “safe” to me.

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer about 8 months ago. And this went completely

against what I thought God would do. This was “unpredictable behavior” from my God. From who I understood God to be. I knew Him to be good, but in my mind, good means safe, healthy, comfortable, happy, etc. And every other attribute of God was built upon or connected to His goodness. Basically, my whole understanding of who God is rocked, shook, and crumbled. Did I even know God at all? If my God would allow something like this to happen to my family, do I even want to know Him? Will He ever feel “safe” to me? How can I trust Him when I cannot predict or understand why He does what He does?

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own

understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.”

This verse doesn’t say “Trust in the Lord with all your heart by leaning on your own

understanding.” I have learned that trusting God does not equate understanding Him. I am not meant to be the potter. I am the clay. And as the clay, I will know Him. I will know Him as my God, the One who refines me. The One who walks beside me through the valley of death. The One who asks for my gaze as I’m walking on water towards Him- amidst the storm. The One who prunes me. The One who graciously allows my broken views, my pride, to be revealed so that He can rebuild them on truth.

In the refining, we know Him more. As God is refining you, seek to know Him in a new way. I

will finish with a verse that now speaks and means more to me because I have experienced it. I pray it does something in your heart too. As you read it, I encourage you to ask yourself: What is the goal of my life?

“You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various

trials so that the proven character of your faith- more valuable than gold which, though

perishable, is refined by fire- may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus

Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and your rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

1 Peter 1:6-9