When Life Looks Different Than What You Thought

Oct 2

3 min read

Life.

I turn 39 this month, and as I knock on the door of 40, I find myself thinking more deeply about both life and death. I am continually reminded that we are not guaranteed 85 or 90 healthy years here on this terrestrial ball we call our temporary home.

Maybe I’ll live through the rest of today. Maybe I won’t. Same for you.

There is something deeply sobering about the fragility of the heart beating inside our chests at this very moment. It is something I am trying to think about more intentionally—not with any level of fear, but with an awakened awareness of just how precious, fleeting, and outside of our control life really is.

Life comes at us fast. And yet, so much of it is made up of repetition and the mundane. We make plans. And we should. We can’t simply drift through life. But I’ve lived long enough now to realize that my plans work out exactly the way I imagined far less often than I once expected. They may be better than I ever imagined, they may leave me totally baffled.

Some things in my life are more stunning, beautiful, and blessed than I ever could have planned. I am honestly astonished by God’s grace to me in these things. Namely, the way He has built my family. My husband is my best friend and biggest cheerleader. My daughter, Vada, is the light of our hearts and one of our deepest delights. And our beloved Gemma came to us by divine appointment in the most unconventional and beautiful way.

Sometimes I look at them and simply think, How can God be this kind?

And yet, my heart pictured more children. And, at least from where I am standing today, it appears that may not happen.

There are also things from the past five years that I’m not sure will ever make sense to me. Ministry confusion. A church split. Other hurts and disappointments I still don’t fully understand. I’ve accepted that I may never have answers for some of these things.

I may never understand why there are millions of orphans around the world and yet God has not chosen to bring more children into our open arms.

That is hard for me.

Often times, I find my heart holding more questions than answers.

Life indeed comes at us fast, and so much of it does not unfold the way we thought it would.

That is the reason I wrote the devotional, Trustworthy. I needed to continually point my own heart back to the One who does have all the answers. The One who sees what I cannot see. The One who is, indeed, trustworthy.

God is not trustworthy only when I can make sense of my circumstances.

That's the point.

That's the comfort.

That's the magnitude of His greatness that we get the joy of "chewing on."

I think about a small child who does not understand her mother’s instruction. She doesn’t understand why her mother says "no." She doesn’t understand what is being withheld from her, and how that withholding would only ever be carried out for her good. She cannot yet comprehend all the ways her mother is protecting her. She can only see what is directly in front of her. Her mother can see beyond it.

Our trustworthy Father sees beyond.

And so, friend, I have enough days under my belt now to know that your life probably hasn’t unfolded exactly the way you thought it would either.

Your tears are real.

Your ache is deep.

Your worry is legitimate.

Your disappointment digs at you.

There may be prayers you have prayed for years that still seem unanswered. There may be parts of your story that simply do not make sense to you. Life just doesn't tie up in a neat, little, controlled, bouncy bow most of the time.

But God is not absent from those places.

He is doing something here, right in the middle of it all, even when you cannot yet see what He is doing.

He is Trustworthy.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

—Psalm 30:5

May our joy not depend on having every answer.

May our joy be found in the One who is trustworthy.

May we rest His sovereignty as we trust Him with our questions.

God bless you today, dear sister.