Holding Health With Open Hands

Warning: vulnerable post ahead.

I’m writing today from a very real place in my heart.

If you know me, you know this is something I’ve wrestled with for a long time, probably the past 15 years. Nutrition. Weight. Cancer. These aren’t just topics I’m casually interested in…they’re deeply personal.

Part of why I’m writing this is for you, because maybe something I share will resonate. But honestly, part of it is for me too. Writing is how I sort through the swirl in my head and bring some order to it. Kind of like mental organizing.

So I’m going to break this into three parts: cancer, weight, and nutrition. And if you make it all the way through…bless you. I hope something here meets you where you are.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Cancer

In 1999 and again in 2001, I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. I was just 12 and 14 years old.

Then, in 2013, at age 25, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

Surgery. Chemo. Radiation.

And now, by God’s grace, I’ve been cancer-free for 13 years, the longest cancer-free stretch of my life.

I don’t take that lightly. Especially now, when so many people I love are walking through cancer. Waiting rooms are full. Stories are heavy. And no two journeys look the same.

But when I received that third diagnosis, I remember asking: Why does this keep happening?

And then the bigger question: Why are cancer rates rising so dramatically, especially here? What is it about our environment…our lifestyle…that seems to be feeding this?

There’s no single answer, of course. But one thing I couldn’t ignore was diet.

A documentary called Forks Over Knives honestly changed my life. Overnight, as a fresh 25-year-old, I became vegan, and I stayed that way for nearly 9 years.

I was all in. Books, documentaries, fresh juices, whole foods…I wouldn’t touch processed food with a ten-foot pole (and I was a little annoying about it, if I’m being honest).

And then…COVID.

And somewhere in that season...fear, isolation, boredom, navigating becoming a new mother...I drifted.

I remember looking in the mirror one day and realizing I had gained about 25 pounds.

And here I am, five years later, still carrying that weight…along with a kind of quiet weariness from all the conflicting voices about women’s health, especially in your late 30s.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Weight

If you’re in your mid-to-late 30s, you know what I mean.

Suddenly, it’s all about protein. More protein. Always more protein.

So I started to believe that if I wanted to lose weight, I needed more animal protein and fewer carbs, even the “good” carbs I had eaten for years: potatoes, fruits, rice.

And somewhere along the way, I felt like I had to choose:

Be overweight…or risk getting cancer again.

That may sound extreme, but it felt real to me.

If I ate a diet high in animal protein, was I increasing my cancer risk? If I stayed plant-based and higher carb, was I resigning myself to always being overweight?

And layered on top of that is my history.

From ages 7 to 12, I was obese. And those years shape you.

Even now, decades later, I can feel how those early experiences still echo in my thoughts about my body.

I know body image is something many women wrestle with. But if you were overweight as a child, I think it can run even deeper.

The sweet part is this: the Lord has met me here.

He has gently untangled so much of the body dysmorphia and the pressure to look a certain way. There is real freedom there.

But there’s also a tension I’ve had to learn to hold:

It’s okay to want to feel good in my body.

That desire isn’t wrong.

The work is making sure it stays in its rightful place: that it doesn’t take the throne in my heart.

Maybe you know that tension too.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Nutrition

In a strange way, I’ve often thought about that verse...what the enemy meant for evil, God used for good. (Genesis 50:20)

Because after my lymphoma diagnosis, something shifted.

For nearly a decade, I felt free from the food and body struggles that had followed me for so long, even if they had had seasons of being just a subtle undercurrent. They had been "there" in my ear, whether in megaphone or faint hum type of ways.

Eating whole, plant-based foods felt natural. My weight settled. My mind felt clear. My decisions around food felt simple and right.

Then life happened.

COVID. Isolation. Becoming a new mom. Exhaustion. Heartbreak. Just being human.

And somewhere in there, I lost the clarity I once had.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe:

What works for one person may not work for another.

But for me, I know what feels right.

I feel best when I’m eating mostly whole, plant-based foods. When my plate is full of vegetables. When food feels simple again.

So I’m going back.

Not out of pressure. Not out of fear. But from a place of conviction and inner peace. And I'm excited about it. About returning to simplicity and minimalism in this area of my life.

I’m also planning to incorporate a rhythm of fasting each month...something I’ve been learning more about (have you heard of autophagy? If not, look it up, whoa! 🤩 #miracleworker) and approaching thoughtfully.

And more than anything, I want this to be a journey of connection:

With the Lord.

With my body.

With the life He’s given me.

I’ll be sharing along the way every few weeks, what’s working, what’s hard, and what I’m learning.

And if you feel drawn to it, you’re welcome to join me. There’s something powerful about not doing these things alone.

__________________________________________________________________________________

A few things I’m holding onto:

Nurture your relationship with the Lord. He will meet you there.

Nourish your body as an act of worship, however the Lord leads you.

Hold your head high as His creation, not striving for perfection, but walking in stewardship.

And live your life fully and authentically…because it's passing us all quickly.

If you made it this far...thank you.

This was raw and honest and a little "yikes" to share. But if it encouraged you in any way, that makes it worth it.

And if you ever want to talk, share your story, or just need someone to listen---I would truly consider that an honor.

XoXo, Catherine❤️