Thinking About Marriage, Before it Finds Me

Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be sitting at my computer right now, writing about a topic I have zero experience in: marriage.

So, what got me thinking about the topic of marriage? You may be wondering...

I recently bumped into a friend in the ever-bustling Terminus main market in Jos, Nigeria. “Gemma, this is my boyfriend,” she said, gesturing to the handsome young man

who had thoughtfully stepped aside to allow us to greet each other more intimately. We said hi briefly, I chatted a bit with my old friend, and then we parted ways.

Later, as the keke napep chugged up my hillside neighborhood, I thought to myself, those two might eventually get married; I pray that the Lord God helps them.

Let me state it categorically that I do not often think this way (although I am a deep, philosophical-type thinker). This thought was indeed the influence of my dear friend, Agatha, with whom I have been living for the past few months.

Agatha glorifies marriage and rightly so.

“Marriage should be honored by all..”

Hebrews 13:4

If you ask me, marriage feels watered down in this generation: an arrangement, typically between two compatible people, who feel love for each other. However, biblically, marriage isn’t always about compatibility or fleeting “love.”

Marriage is an illustration of Christ’s relationship with the church.

It's God-ordained covenant between one man and one woman built on love, submission, service, intimacy, and commitment (beyond feelings) to last a lifetime for the mutual benefit of both parties involved.

I’ve had the privilege of a front-row seat in what a rich marriage looks like and what a struggling one looks like. In no order of hierarchy, the major differences involve a disagreement on faith and values, gender roles, communication, understanding (communication does not always equate to understanding), and whether one or both parties are acting selfishly or not.

As I watched this “struggling marriage,” I subconsciously made a decision not to get married because, “What is this?” The husband did not understand his wife, so

it was hard to love her in the way that she needed (or to even love her at all). The wife believed that submission meant to be quiet and go along with the flow no matter how she was being treated. It was exhausting and upsetting to me, even as an onlooker. I wonder the magnitude of the stress they must have been enduring!

The couple with the “rich” marriage, on the other hand, prioritized selflessness. The husband loved his wife more than he did himself, and the wife held her husband in higher regard than herself. They were both looking out for each other, so even when they

had issues, she wanted him to be alright, and he wanted her to be alright. Everyone was willing to compromise.

My parents have a wonderful marriage, but I mean, sometimes we need examples outside of family. I enjoy watching the people around me. I thank God for letting me see this selfless, beautiful marriage example of my friends because now I want to get married again (lol).

My parents have always prayed for my future spouse, and some of my friends have actively been praying for theirs. Marriage is no joke. It must be covered in prayer.

This is a wake-up call for me. I want to actively start praying for my future spouse, now. 🙏🏾 And I hope this reflection encourages you to do the same.

Drench that man in prayer, sis. Pray for yourself also, because it takes two to tango. And I'll do the same.

This post is dedicated to you, Victory Ahinche. I was so happy to see you today. ❤️